A couple of years ago I decided to let down my guard and write about things I didn’t like, like Asheville, North Carolina and the song “Hotel California.” Because those things? They suck.

I always meant to do that more often - write about the things I hate - because it was fun, but also because I got a pretty good response. Well, it’s winter in New Haven, I’ve got some time on my hands and I thought I’d try it again. Ok. I hate it when people don’t eat. I don’t mean, like, anorexics, come ON, who do you think I am? I mean this scenario:

“What do you want to eat for dinner?”

“You know, I had a pretty big lunch, so I think I’m just going to nibble, but I don’t need dinner.”

First of all, don’t say the word “nibble.” Ever. Unless you’re talking about a mouse, then maybe it’s alright. Secondly, it doesn’t matter if you ate a big anything, normal people get hungry again. I was talking with my friend Jennifer about this recently, in fact. She was telling me that she hated the exact same thing, the “big breakfast”-”big lunch”-”I’m not hungry for a meal” bullshit. “You know what?” she said, as we discussed the matter over a cocktail. “You do digest your food and you become hungry again later on.” Exactly.

I mean, maybe it’s because I love food so much, because I’m such a food-oriented person, I don’t know, but I can’t remember more than a handful of times when I chose to skip a meal. When I had food poisoning, and I puked like 13 times in one night? Sure, I had a few Saltines and called it a day. But that’s it. Besides sickness I may have missed a few meals due to travel. Perhaps - occasionally - I missed out because of shame, like when I didn’t want to seem like a pig. But when I’m with the other food-minded people, this is never an issue. Just like it’s not an issue that when we go out we order a lot of stuff, everyone is adventurous and tries everything and we eat a lot and really enjoy ourselves. Then sometimes we get coffee and dessert or even an after dinner drink. Deal with it.

I have to make a disclaimer that this part isn’t entirely directed at J, but I kind of can’t take it when people “forget to eat” either, although it doesn’t really affect me because I never forget to eat. “Wait, did I eat lunch? I didn’t!” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I think about lunch from about 9 a.m. on. Sometimes earlier.

I guess I need to point out that I’m mainly addressing lunch and dinner in this post because, honestly, I’ve gone through some stages when breakfast was a cup of coffee - on a good day a cappuccino, although I eat breakfast on a fairly regular basis now. But whatever, most breakfast options aren’t that awesome anyway. Which reminds me…don’t eat cereal for dinner, oh my God. Are you seriously suggesting cereal for dinner? Are we even friends?