In my very own home, by this motherfucker.

I am really sorry about the language, but there is no other way to accurately describe what I am going through.

The title of this post is a little unfair, because, in that way that we all love gossip (and in the celebrity category, you must start reading this, right this very minute), you might think I’ve got something really juicy and important to report, when in reality what I want to write about is working from home, a subject I touched on recently for my other blog, Motherland, which I know you guys are all checking, millions of times a day.

(Actually, I’ve had some technical issues with that site and haven’t been able to post much, which should be remedied soon. Still, millions of times a day, ok? No excuses).

But, despite it being in regards to a pretty mundane topic, I did see a therapist for a few months prior to having Gabriel for life coaching sessions. If you haven’t heard of life coaches, or you’re thinking to yourself that that sounds like a pretty nonsensical profession, I’ve gotta tell you, it was one of the more helpful steps I’ve taken in recent years, and I’ll tell you why: Because I needed someone to tell me what to do.

When I had Nora and found myself at home much of the time, much more occupied with childcare than writing, I found myself thinking self-critical thoughts, like, “Jewel lived in a trashcan and she became a professional singer,” or, “J.K. Rowling lived in squalor with her young kids and found the time to create the whole goddamn world of Harry Potter, why can’t you motivate yourself to develop a somewhat successful career?”

But Jewel and Rowling and the actual validity of those statements aside, finding the get-up-and-go to write - or do whatever kind of work it is you’re doing - is really pretty hard when you don’t have a boss or an office or, ahem, a paycheck. So with a new baby on the way and my life as a mother about to get all the more intense, I decided to enlist some professional help. I was really fortunate that our health care plan covered the sessions.

So off I went to see this guy and within my first hour, and undertaking his first directive - to create a comfortable office space at home - I was feeling better about life in general.

I cleaned off the desk in our guest room/office space, put up a bulletin board and tacked up a few pictures of Nora and a few of my newspaper clips.

Over the next few months I saw this guy weekly, as I got bigger and bigger, and our visits came to an end just before I had the baby. Since he was an actual psychologist I’d sometimes try to slip in other business, like how J likes to keep old magazines in the house and I try to secretly throw them away but he always catches me and gets mad, now, who is right? But this guy would always steer me back to the matter at hand, namely how to create and sustain a productive working schedule while raising children, so that I wouldn’t go crazy or feel like I was letting all my career aspirations go.

It was awesome.

When I had Gabriel, of course, all that went to hell and I dove headfirst into being a mother of two, which - at first, especially - is so different than being a mother of one, it is not even funny. Not funny, as in, total insanity.

But my darling boy has grown into a somewhat reasonable four-month-old who will probably have some daycare soon, and Nora went merrily off to preschool last week and has been loving every minute. Suddenly I’m remembering what it’s like to have a few seconds to sit at the computer, and I’m trying to put my working-from-home plan back into play.

At present the baby’s sleeping in what was once my office space, but I’m looking forward to changing up the sleep arrangements, i.e. kicking him out and taking it back. A desk, my bulletin board, a cup of tea. For now, my laptop and these priceless hours of quiet time are more than enough.

Better than a trash can, anyway.

Goodbye lazy days of summer. Here we go.

I have a very bad feeling that the fraternities off S. Columbia Street in Chapel hill are playing this song on a nonstop loop, but I can’t help it, I love it so much.

Also, seriously, these guys look like this? I was under the impression they were 50. With beards.

You thought I went away, didn’t you? But really I was just putting productivity on hold for a little while and hanging out in Maine, attending countless cocktail parties.

And also doing a mediocre job on this list.

So there.

get my husband into cheese
discover an excellent Chablis
play a game of fetch with Cecilia
watch “Thelma and Louise”
get back to pre-pregnancy weight
see a play
have a beer with my dad
try one new recipe a week
go to the zoo
get a hair cut
finish a book, any book
plant some more flowers
give a new band a chance
ps shot with my hs girls
walk the kids to Lighthouse Point
listen to jazz on the Branford green
teach Mina a new trick
get an essay published in print
hike at Sleeping Giant
attain a jogging stroller
do yoga with my mother
stay in bed til 11