One Reason Pets are Good

Because they bring life into a house that might otherwise have calm moments. We just got home from buying our very first Christmas tree together. It smells of sweet Christmas tree sap. We pulled it carefully from the trunk of J's car, proceeded to go inside where I plugged in the brightly colored lights I've hung in our kitchen. I turned on the radio and James Taylor's gentle voice sang "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." My next step was to get a beer for myself and my man, take a moment to relax, but instead I had to participate in a vicious little fight with Mina, who'd grabbed an olive pit from the floor as I went to empty a plate into the trash. She picked it up and started to chew with all the might of a tiny dog and when I picked her up growled at me and bared tiny teeth. Mine, this is my bounty, she said. I started to give in before envisioning some olive pit digestion related emergency vet visit later in the evening. I finally won by picking her up by the stomach, using my free hand to pry open her mouth and bouncing her up and down until the pit fell from her mouth and onto the floor. Silent night, holy night.

Regarding the Holiday Season

My friends and I have plans to meet over the Christmas break. Some of us haven't seen each other in months. I was just thinking that when we meet up, I might have to point out that I am really me, as I may well weigh over 400 pounds at that point. Josephine gave me a bag of Hershey's kisses she picked up actually in Hershey, PA over Thanksgiving, and I placed them in a nice, white basket on my desk. "Here," the basket is meant to say. "Have chocolates, friends." The basket has inched, since it's initial placement, ever closer to my keyboard, so that I, mid-typing, can grab, oh seven or eight of the little fuckers, unwrap and eat them, and then remember that this does not comprise "GETTING IN SHAPE," the most talked-about least-realized event of my recent weeks. Don't tell me that the holidays are no time for this. The holidays are, in fact, an excellent time to practice self-restraint, punishing oneself mercilessly with each Santa cookie, each block of cheese beautifully matched with crackers, wine, and the unending plea to oneself to just let loose, or at least go on a daily walk.