It has come to my attention that, once Nora departs for college, I will gain some closet space.

A positive development.

Not that I won’t miss her, not that life isn’t shifting so much for our entire family. The intensity of emotion right now, spilling out during moments of rare quiet (a solo car ride from one celebratory event to the next, these seniors committed to having as much fun as possible with one another while simultaneously being ready to go; spotting this year’s middle schoolers waiting for the bus on the corner, like my youngest - our elementary school days now over - will wait next year…do they ever stop growing up, even for a second?) is so indelible that you know its impact right as it’s happening.

But, as far as practical matters are concerned, come summer’s end, a member of our household will be moving out (as much as college students ever really do) and I can use her closets for things like bulky sweaters. I have been thinking about this: gaining space. Both physically and figuratively.

The other night my three children - side by side - were trying to sing in harmony at the kitchen counter, laughing when it went awry, and I had to force myself not to ruin the moment by telling them to remember these times forever.

Like hiking up and down a mountain, is how this feels. For all these years our household kept growing - the number of people and then the people themselves - and now, after another buoyant summer, it’s going to get smaller.

Which brings me to the closet space. Sure, two kids at home is still plenty of kids. But (caveats aside, because I do understand Nora will be back, and that having a child in college is certainly not the end of parenting them) as my children are approaching what’s next, I’m thinking about how I want to do the same.

J and I talk about vacations we will take with Aidy when it’s just the three of us someday. We talk about retirement (good grief). The flip side of these heady feelings surrounding life’s emotional milestones are the giddy ones surrounding new opportunities.

Our family has been playing the song “Shakedown Street” by the Grateful Dead on repeat after hearing an excellent rendition performed by students at one of the many arts school concerts we attended this year. This got me thinking about the way I used to listen to music (wholeheartedly, without being able to tear myself away) verses the way I listen to it now (frantically as if there’s never enough time to get a full song in).

How this jibes with the way our attention spans behave overall these days and how I’ve been trying to resist the multitasking lifestyle modernity wants us to be living, resisting the narrative that time is in short supply, out of our control.

Not in a lofty way! This concentration-stealing, immediacy-required living…it just doesn’t feel good. Nora and I discuss throwing our phones away. We’re all talk, but what can we do that’s real, we ask.

So I said to J and Gabe: what if I listened to every live rendition ever recorded of “Shakedown Street” as a summer goal. They told me that was a “weird” idea for someone like me, and I had to remind them that not only was I once very into the Dead, but I had a hemp necklace, you guys.

They were unmoved, and I decided that while I will continue to embrace my former roots, perhaps there is a better music-focused goal that doesn’t include listening to the same song over and over.

That I will get glasses with progressive lenses so my nighttime reading does not require a carefully placed one million watt bulb by my bedside (so I am more prone to doing it). Go for regular post-dinner walks with friends or family members willing to come along and claim the space that exists in between all the rest. Move the sweaters, stand in my closet and marvel at how rethinking how you approach your shelves and your hours makes such a notable difference.

Summer goals 2026:

Listen to 20 full albums from start to finish (recommendations welcome!)
Read poetry
Walk around the track at the high school, preferably at dusk when the lights turn on
Ease back into learning Italian
Visit yet unvisited spots on Yale’s campus
Get new glasses
Swim whenever there is an opportunity (2025 goal)
Make a “to be read” pile by the bedside table
Yoga once a week
Finish Ulysses
Attend the wedding of a very old friend
Long talks by and in the pool
Go to cardio tennis!
Make future weekend getaway plans
Try at least 10 new recipes
Dinner by the beach with Aidy
Get comfortable making a proper Negroni; practice on friends
Plant flowers, vegetables and otherwise spend time working on our front and back yards
Clear out closets and other storage spaces with the aim of knowing where everything is once school starts this fall
Tour the Glass House in New Canaan (2023 goal)
Get iced coffees, make life plans
Post-ocean-jump dock sunbathing
Family road trip…
..to take my daughter to college