Decluttering, part one

My decluttering plans aren't particularly original. I'm simply joining the throngs of other Americans determined to get rid of their excess stuff and enjoy the rewards of a more organized and pleasant home. There is no shortage of advice - in the form of articles, blog posts, television segments, you name it - about tackling this daunting project. 

I wouldn't say discarding unused items is particularly difficult for me, although I have a few weak spots: I tend to keep clothes that, if I'm honest with myself, I won't wear again, and that goes for shoes and handbags, too. I get a little sentimental about the kids' toys and their clothes, because I think about the people who gave them as presents, and specific times they wore this or that. But I can get past it, and passing on loved, quality items to someone we know, rather than donating them, helps.

Paper items are not a problem. I could easily scale down the kids' artwork (so much artwork) as it comes through the door each day, but I know J likes to go through it more carefully, so I don't. I'd throw away bills and most other paperwork on the spot, too, but he wouldn't like that. J's gotten so much better, though. I think even he would admit that he used to keep a good deal of useless things around, but has turned a corner and is lately purging stuff with glee. 

The problem, at this point in our lives, isn't the desire to keep everything, and it's definitely not that we purchase lots of material things. It's that children in particular bring a multitude of items into the home on a nearly daily basis (goody bags and paintings and indefinable knick knacks, like the purple, fabric flower that Nora had tucked into her dress yesterday when I picked her up, a treasured gift from a dear friend) and it's hard to find the time to dispose of it. 

It's the time. It's the stuff coming into our house vs. hours we have to deal with that stuff. If I was ruthless, I'd grab my kids' backpacks and deal with it that very afternoon, every day, without fail. But I'm not ruthless. And I'm also a little worn down in the afternoons. That combination means I almost never deal with that issue on the spot.

The rest of my daytime hours are simply very precious lately. I hate even typing this lame and soul crushing statement but...we have a lot of domestic chores. Repeated acts like filling and emptying the dishwasher, laundry and ensuring everyone, including our now-mobile and insatiable nine-month old, eats three times a day. There are the dogs, that need to be walked and given expensive medications in tricky ways and cleaned up after, which would be much easier if Cecilia relieved herself in a more manageable fashion, and not in, like, 17 different spots, requiring you to follow her around with a plastic bag for about ten minutes.

The point being that when I do have a few hours to spare, I try to write, or maybe pitch an article idea to someone. Sometimes I catch up on "Game of Thrones." But I don't generally tackle a decluttering project. 

This summer, though, I want to tackle them all. I really do. 

To speed this effort along, J brought home this book the other day: 

This book has certainly gotten it's fair share of public love and I'd read a fair amount about Marie Kondo and her intense style of decluttering before he bought it.

I'd even tried out her method in the kids' room; I dumped all of their clothes on the floor - all of them - creating a pile that extended higher than their beds. Then I put back only the items that made me happy. As silly as this sounds, it's very fulfilling in practice. I stored the winter items that would still fit next year and packed girls' clothes that were now too small for Nora in labeled bins in the basement. I ended up with several bags to donate. The closet was immediately far less packed and far more accessible. Their drawers were no longer filled to the brim. 

I immediately wanted to do this in the rest of the house but I had to calm myself down. Decluttering is a great feeling when you have the time for it. But when you get overzealous and you suddenly realize you have a minute until you're scheduled to be picking your child up from preschool, it backfires. 

That's why I haven't opened up this magical book yet. I know I'm going to get very excited and want to plunge right in without forethought or planning, which are not my strong suits. So I'm trying to approach this whole project in a reasonable way, which I think Ms. Kondo would appreciate. 

Also, in an effort to take inspiration from the general public, I'd like to know your decluttering tips, dear six or seven readers? How do you do it? Do you do it? Is it worth it? What sort of cocktail do you make after you try and declutter and then you get sidelined and the whole thing is an utter failure? What types of storage bins do you use? And what do you have the hardest time letting go of?

Summer goals 2015

One of the things I love most about J is his knack for picking up new hobbies. Some of them, like bird watching, have become real hobbies, tried and true, which are now woven into the structure of our lives.

If I see something unusual fly overhead while I'm driving, for instance, I'm excited to tell him about it. The birds in question are almost universally categorized by me as "maybe a cool hawk," which is not a description he can really work with, but still, I like connecting with one of his interests, even if it's on a very basic, possibly annoying level. 

And I love watching our children observe and absorb these interests: Nora's new love for wildlife and Gabriel's ability to identify so many of the Star Wars characters. All three of them memorizing facts about the planets and schooling me when I suggest things - in jest, please note - like how it would be fun to live on Saturn. "Um, live on Saturn? We wouldn't be able to breathe." 

But what about my own hobbies? I've certainly touched on the idea in the past that since having children, I've let my own interests slip away a bit. The difference between making that realization today and making that realization a few years ago, as a newer mom, is that I'm much more ok with it now.

I'm fine with the fact that I'm an addicted to talk radio, and haven't anxiously purchased the latest from a favorite band in a long time.  I'm ok with the fact that I don't write as often as I used to on this blog. 

However! 

I also realize how easy it is to let yourself slip away when you have young children and more importantly, I realize that if you don't work at it a little, you won't get those interests back. 

Guys. I used to read all the time. From the time I could read, I read voraciously. The Babysitter's Club. The Saddle Club ( as an adolescent, I was super into horses, and obviously extremely cool as well). John Steinbeck. Thomas Wolfe. Emerson (even beyond the assignments in class!). Thoreau. Tolstoy. That book "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse that my friend Matt made me read. Just for fun

I read at night when I should have been sleeping, and made notes in my books and reread my favorites. "The Catcher in the Rye." "Cannery Row." Countless times. 

I've always read, and always finished what I've started: novels, biographies, books of essays, whatever. But then I had my first child. The reading slowed down a little, because I was tired. I could barely get through a couple sentences at night within passing out. Then I had two children and it slowed down a little more. I read mysteries set in Italy - sticking to that one genre which includes, strangely, many authors and titles - and didn't stray much from my comfort zone for a while, although occasionally I'd find the time to devour something popular. A page turner. Preferably funny. "Gone Girl" (not at all funny but couldn't put it down). "Bossypants" by Tina Fey and "Yes Please" by Amy Poehler (I laughed out loud).

So, yeah, I read, but not like I used to. In recent years, I've started books and then misplaced them. I've gone months without turning a page. I've been reading the beautiful "TransAtlantic" by Colum McCann since last summer. Last summer. I pack it in my suitcase when I'm on trips, like, "Oh, reading? I read!" then opt for a magazine, or watching shows (so many shows) on J's iPad in bed. 

Like I said, I'm ok with these new habits. I have three little kids, and viewing the entirety of "30 Rock" over the past few months before drifting off to sleep every night was exactly what I needed to unwind at day's end. 

But like the other thing I said, sometimes you have to work to preserve the hobbies that make you...you. I want my children to know that version of me, too.

Nora's very into reading as I mentioned in my last post, and the other night she expressed some frustration because she'd finished all the Junie B. Jones books she owned, and told me, "I have other books I can read, but I'm used to those books, so I don't want to read something else." I knew exactly what she was talking about and told her so. It was a moment of total familiarity. I've never been much for playing on the playground or cartoons or board games, but helping my child get excited about a new book? Yes. I was overjoyed.

Plus, I want to finish "TransAtlantic." I mean, come on! So the other morning while I sipped coffee and it would have been very easy to grab my phone for some mindless internet wandering, I pulled the book from my bedside table, found my place and started reading. Then I flipped back 20 pages because I had no idea what was going on and needed to refresh my memory. 

Anyway, if you've stuck with me for all these paragraphs, I should get to the point, which is that this summer I want to read. That's only one of many summer goals, and it's not a very specific one (no, I'm not putting "Ulysses" on the list this year although you never know). But it speaks to a general theme of getting back into old hobbies, and nurturing new ones. 

Now, I realize that it's not technically summer yet, and the geek brigade that resides in this house with me would probably scold me on that point, but it's summer enough. The barbecues have begun and we've turned on the ceiling fans. The bugs are proliferating in the backyard and the children are playing in the backyard and screaming about the bugs. Summer of 2015. Let's go. 

  1. read
  2. grow a patio garden
  3. become a confident martini-maker
  4. dance at weddings
  5. declutter!
  6. pick berries, make jam
  7. run the circumference of Southport Island
  8. plan a tenth wedding anniversary trip 
  9. see the (not real) bear in Maine (courtesy of Gabriel)
  10. find a piano teacher for Nora
  11. spend far less energy on snacks and much more on meals
  12. start learning Spanish
  13. toast the sunset
  14. regularly use my jogging stroller
  15. have chocolate chip pancakes and bacon on a weekend morning 
  16. cold beers with good friends 
  17. take a museum tour
  18. frame a family photo
  19. get in the ocean