This weekend my father and brother attended a retreat at a monastery in rural Virginia. I must, again, assert that I am not kidding. When I asked them how it was, both said it was great, and that they didn't really do much of anything except "contemplate life." Okay. Vinnie did say he had some spectacular discussions with an 82-year-old priest who would tell him a story ("I was brought up in Africa, and learned a lot about the culture...") and then roughly three minutes later, would tell him the exact same story ("I was brought up in Africa..."). I got a big kick out of that.

However, my favorite thing about this retreat is the string of emails exchanged between my mother, who was at home, being normal, and my father, forwarded on to me. You'd think there'd be no emailing while with the monks, contemplating, right? Wrong. Dad's got a Blackberry and nobody's gonna take that away from him. Not Jesus, nobody.

From: Kathleen Rotondaro To: Fred Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Just had chicken fajitas from Baja Fresh and am sitting here watching the news..

Do you think Vinnie would like to be a monk? Seriously, I'm sure it is very peaceful. Are you going to get up at 4 for Vespers?

From: Fred Rotondaro To: Kathleen Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

It is 3:30. He seems to like it. I am reading in my room and I guess Vin is too. I am of course frustrated because I can't use my phone and find out how much money we made. Vin says he will go to vespers or vigil or whatever I could say I miss you and wish you were here but then one of us would be sleeping on the floor. Brother Alfred of the Weeds

From: Kathleen Rotondaro To: Fred Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Brother Alfred--I want to take some wine up with me tomorrow. Do you have any worldly guidance for me?

Love, your wife on the outside

From: Fred Rotondaro To: Kathleen Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Re: wine. Not really hon. Some good whites in the cooler and reds in the rack under the paintings. Don't take serpico red. That is Vinnie's favorite. I think some cakebread is in the cooler.

B. Alfred

From: Kathleen Rotondaro To: Fred Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Thank you, Brother Alfred. Am now up in the bedroom with the dog and with the door locked.

Love, the girl

From: Fred Rotondaro To: Kathleen Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Love you dear. Be careful. I am going to read some more and then go to sleep. I am probably the last one up. I will call tomorrow when I go out for a walk. B. Alfred

From: Kathleen Rotondaro To: Fred Rotondaro Sent: Fri Jan 27

Ok. Love you too.

From: Fred Rotondaro To: Kathleen Rotondaro Sent: Sat Jan 28

Good morning. Up and at em. I read last night that the a.m. vigils were changed forty years ago from 2 a.m. to 4. Some monks thought this was indulgent. So do I. B. Alfred

Recently J has been wondering about some pretty heavy things, like, "What if Quidditch was real?" After years of declaring he had no interest in the Harry Potter books, he's been devouring them with the vigor of a 10-year-old boy and asking as many questions (see above). He took it to a new level when he disclosed to us that he was going to find a way to make Quidditch real, i.e. use motorized flying vehicles instead of broomsticks, etc. I told him I was sure some youngster was already cruising ahead on that one, and he told me, no, they're not, because he'd looked it up on Google. No one's making real Quidditch yet.

Here's a list of the things J's expressed interest in making on his own over the years: walking sticks soda coasters birdhouses a lamp a real live Quidditch game

He made the coasters. So I think we are well on our way.

Whilst in the monastery

Magic broomsticks? We don't need no stinking magic broomsticks!