On our way into work this morning: "I was thinking that when I die, if I die before you, I'd like to have a small, stone monkey on my gravestone. Like one of those squirrel monkeys we saw in Costa Rica, just sitting up there, with a mischievous look on its face."

"Why only if you die before me? You think I'll do this for you?"

"Well, you're the only one who knows about it, so..."

"Right."

"Or maybe - maybe a bird - a stone bird like a hawk or a falcon or something, swooping down -"

"Um - "

"Or maybe a real bird. Like, I don't know, maybe there could be some little holes on the top of my gravestone? Right? And I could pay someone to come and fill them up with birdseed? And then the birds would all land there."

"You think you'd have to pay someone to do that?"

"Well, yeah."

"Yeah. I guess that would be a pretty big job."

1. Forget to get the mail every single day even though that is one of my like, three, duties. 2. Sign off phone calls with technology execs by saying, casually "Great, talk to you later," even though I will, literally, never talk to them again.

3. Turn on the space heater under my desk, which causes the computer to short out, over and over again, even though last time I turned it on, guess what? It did the exact same thing.

4. Think about all the other things I could be doing that don't involve sitting in a desk staring at a huge, flat-screen computer monitor, pretending to be doing things.

5. Spend no time learning anything about the company. Spend significantly more time trying to sneakily read up on celebrity gossip.

Taking care of the important things

What not to do at the temp job