From: cara rotondaroTo: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Whereabouts? Sent: Thursday, March 14, 2002 6:34 PM
Dear Friend Justin, It has been some time since your "self"-enforced exile and we are curious concerning your current location and activities. It is with sadness that we report it does not appear you will be needed back on the CARA project any time soon. Fortunately (if you can find it in your heart to congratulate him) this does mean that Non-Friend Justin (a.k.a. Justin with all of the redeeming qualities of Friend Justin yet undeniable completely physically and romantically involved in previously mentioned project) is doing quite well. In fact, we hear rumors from our contacts in the North Raleigh area that the girl is crazy about him. We do wish to reiterate at this time that if you desire to return to your former residence and relinquish all power to Non-Friend Justin while you remain in the background, you have our blessing and encouragement. In warning, we suggest you fully understand that these two, after months (with the help of your patience) remaining in "just friends" mode, are certainly more than that now and won't be returning to their previous status any time soon. Numbers are currently in the hundred thousands of years on this couple's staying power, and rising every day. Please let us know your thoughts and if you need any additional information, or assistance.
Best Regards, The Society for the Furthering of Complexities in Platonic Relationships in Favor of Something Way, Way Better (established Sept. 1, 2001)
From : justin mcdonough Sent : Friday, March 15, 2002 8:11 PM To : email@example.com Subject : Re: Whereabouts?
We have information as to the whereabouts of "Friend Justin". Much like Elliott the dragon left Pete after his work was done, so to did Friend Justin after his brief stint in aiding you during your troubled times. At 11:57 PM on New Years Eve 2001, "Friend Justin" split from his former self and went to Bermuda, where he met up with an owl named Archimedes who was in search of his master - the wizard Merlin. So, "Friend Justin", Archimedes, and a rag-tag band of orphans who called themselves, "The Lost Boys" traveled around the island of Bermuda looking for the great wizard. Instead, they found the other side of the island. They decided to set up camp and have a feast using the three little pigs on their fire built by a scraggly looking Tom Hanks and 10-year old Kurt Russell who left his own Swiss Family back on a nearby island. However, Friend Justin became obsessed and went off by himself in the woods where he sat alone and stared at a rotting pig head with lots of flies covering it. He sits there to this date, watching the flies and thinking about all those Disney movies he watched as a kid. Stupid hound-dog...whatcha you wanna grow up for anyway...can't you see that Tod still wants to be your best friend?!?!