Things Mina does

I know I haven't been writing about my pregnancy all that much. I never wanted to go overboard or anything but I figured since I mostly write about my personal life on this blog, I'd end up writing about being pregnant a lot because, you know, I'm pregnant. But honestly, since I first wrote about being pregnant, I've been feeling really great physically, and I have no problem writing about good things, but, honestly, the baby stuff has been pretty uneventful. Which is great, of course, but not prompting me to write all that much about it. When I really could have written you a book about pregnancy was in the beginning, when I didn't feel so hot, and it was all new, and we were living in J's old childhood bedroom and life was generally more hilarious. But you're not supposed to tell anyone in the beginning, so that's that.

I'm sure this will change in coming weeks as I get bigger and getting comfortable in bed becomes more of a challenge and I need to tell you guys about that constantly. Something to look forward to.

But in the meantime, I realized I'm not really writing enough about one of my dogs, Mina. I'd probably be getting like a trillion more visitors to my blog every day if I stepped it up and wrote more regularly about Mina and all the amazing things she does. I know everyone thinks their dog does amazing things and is really cute, and I don't feel bad saying this - because it's true - but, your dog has got nothing on mine.

Before you get angry at me for saying your dog isn't as cool as Mina or whatever you think I'm saying, please keep in mind that I'm not only talking about good stuff, so calm down. She's not always doing good stuff.

She is rarely doing good stuff.

Here she is moments after pinning this poor dog up against a wall, and moments before trying to do it again.

Mina considers dominating Yenta

Sometimes I'm not doing good stuff to her. But she usually deserves it.

Mina, as lobster

The point is, she does a lot of really, really funny things, and I think I might try and make a point of amping up her online presence. She should get an agent. Such is her star quality. Seriously.

The other night we left the dogs to roam the house when we went out, instead of closing them in the upstairs bedroom, like we usually do. The scene in here has been pretty chaotic since we moved, and we wanted to make sure we'd gotten all hazards out of the way before letting them free. Everything seemed fine.

But, of course, it wasn't. When we got back the dogs had found and ripped open a trash bag. This was, no doubt, instigated by Mina, who borders on psychopath when it comes to her pursuit of food. One time while two of my friends were watching her, she'd scaled a kitchen counter and proceeded to eat something like 12 chocolate cupcakes with the wrappers still on. And she weighs roughly 10 pounds. It's hard to explain if you haven't seen her in action, but the way she eats goes beyond pleasure and ventures into sinister territories.

Anyway, that night Mina was acting a little weird. Stretched on her side with her stomach all bloated, making little grunting noises and we figured she'd eaten this half bag of almonds I had accidentally left out. We worried that almonds aren't good for dogs and looked up some information online, but didn't find anything alarming and figured she'd be fine in the morning, which she was, after lying like that, unmoving, for about 12 hours straight.

We didn't give it that much more thought until J was at home the next day and found the plastic packaging of a pork loin on the floor. He emailed this information to me and I suddenly realized that, oh my God, I had thrown out half of a raw pork loin like five days before. And she obviously ate it and that is disgusting.

I got a little more worried than I'd been when I thought she'd eaten a ton of almonds, even though I know dogs can stomach a lot more than humans can, but J wrote me later to say that he'd checked on her twice and that she was fine. That she was snuggled under the comforter in our bedroom where "it's like 120 degrees."

This is only one example - eating half a raw pork loin - of what she's capable of, and while I know every other dog on the planet is capable of such thing, it's the way she does it, her style, that clinches her title as Most Amazing Dog on the Planet. More to come.