Not living up to my potential (my apologies)

This is a post in which I say I'm sorry, because I think my blog has kind of sucked lately. The fact that I'm using the word "sucked" is evidence of how serious I am about this. When we were growing up my mother would frown at any use of the word, explaining that she didn't think that was a very nice expression. I agree with her and, to this day, I rarely say it. This is one of the many facets of my prudish lifestyle. Like how I almost never use the phrase "shut up" and how I HATE it when people fart. I even hate that the word "fart" has made it into this blog post. I'm fighting the urge to erase it right now.

The problem - the underlying cause of my lack of inspiration, thus, lack of interesting blog posts - is that I've been kind of down lately. I say down, and not depressed, because I'm talking about a mild affliction; a few factors that, together, perpetuate a boring lifestyle. One in which I want to watch a few hours of television every evening, do the easiest thing for dinner and go to sleep. I'm no fun.

The problems are as follows: the baby has sick for, like, a month, has also been teething (we think) and the winter in New Haven? It is NEVER GOING TO END. You'd think the recent onset of daylight savings time would help matters, but instead I find myself annoyed when it's still light out at 6 p.m. It's freezing, what am I going to do with an hour of daylight? Go for an uncomfortable walk down by the water under a slate gray sky? I've made it a general rule to try and get out with Nora during the day when it's above 32 degrees, because I realized that if I didn't, I'd be a prisoner to my house for, like, half the year, but come on, enough is enough. We're not going to spend all day frolicking in the bone chilling winds coming off the Sound so, at this point, that extra hour just makes me feel like a loser.

Nora's ongoing cold (wheezing, coughing and congestion) and possible teething have simply been tiring. Does the baby sound better or worse today? Do we need to take her back to the doctor? If we take her back to the doctor are we good parents, or are we obsessive parents? We've had to keep her home from daycare several days both because we didn't want to get the other children sick and because daycare had called us on a few occasions, explaining that Nora's breathing seemed labored, and we didn't feel like getting calls like that anymore. Despite the fact that we explain that we have been to the doctor - numerous times - and the doctor says as long as she is happy and eating well (she is) there is nothing to worry about ("Colds can last forever in infants," they calmly explain) there is this underlying drone of subtle judgment. "Does she still have that cold?" YEAH. SHE DOES.

Thankfully, as I mentioned, Nora's remained completely happy for the most part throughout these various ordeals, except for what I believe is - must be - teething. Our once excellent sleeper now protests loudly at bedtime a few times a week and, several times, has woken up only a couple hours after we've put her down, obviously in pain.

I realize that these sleeping problems, a total abnormality for her (and actually not all that intense), are the norm for some parents even without issues like teething, and I have nothing to complain about, but because I've been so spoiled the sleeping disruptions have hit me hard and I whine about it. Like a baby. Exactly like my baby.

The point of all this is to explain that I haven't wanted to write on my blog lately about anything going on in my life because, at the end of the day, I can't wait to turn off the computer and get in my pajama pants. But, damnit, I have to wait an hour because it's still LIGHT OUT and I can't sink to that level. I will not get in my pajama pants while it's still light out. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS I HATE YOU, MY JEANS ARE REALLY CONSTRICTING.

I am, however, comforted by the knowledge that this will pass and spring will come. And for the time being, there is always another cup of coffee, whatever, I'm not worried about it keeping the baby up when I nurse her. People tend to be too conservative about that stuff, I've decided, and besides, if you've got a sharp tooth plowing it's way through your gums, what's a little caffeine gonna matter anyway?