To put it in the most boring and accurate terms, I've been really busy lately. I went into NYC two times for two separate girls weekends which involved incredible fun with wonderful people, and also staying up late. In the case of the most recent NYC weekend, it involved staying up nearly all night at my brother and his friends' house party, which turned into a dance party, and "staying up nearly all night at my brother and his friends' house party" is a phrase, it turns out, that is accompanied by a bleak and horrible and very real lack of necessary rest. Me? I like eight or more hours a night. Not, like, three. But sometimes you've got to give in, because let's say somebody has both "O.P.P." by Naughty by Nature AND "Ignition" by R. Kelly on their iPod. And maybe your gracious hosts are letting you play DJ at this party, a situation you've dreamed about for the better part of your life. Plus, a bunch of your friends are there and it's so rare that you're hanging out with a bunch of your friends and dancing with such abandon that the hours pass...and pass, as they so tend to do when you're in New York, specifically Brooklyn, where they all party to dawn, I've noticed, and there is also really good shopping. Den of sin.
In between these two weekends I went up to Maine for a couple days to visit my parents. We had a great time and I even got work done while they watched her for a few hours on a couple different days. On the way home a situation arose with ice cream that took at least a couple years off my life, but at least no one got hurt.
Then there's work, which some days involves me working every second that I'm not with Nora, or that she is asleep, and thinking about ways I can try to get some work done while she's awake (not possible). Other days I have nothing to do and I worry that I'm forgetting some project, or I worry that maybe I should just get down to business and write a book, but how can I write a book when blogging and then social networking to promote my blog takes up so much time? Seriously, people! When I find the time to sit down at my computer and get something - anything - done, I feel assaulted by the Internet in this way that has become less fun and more oppressive. And I can never find my datebook! And the dogs! Just, the dogs! In general!
Obviously, a lot of these feelings can be attributed to my schedule and workload and the fact that we have a toddler. And, also quite obviously, they can be attributed to my overdeveloped talent for complaining, which is really at the bottom of all this. Yeah, we're busy, but I've wanted to be busy in this way for so long. Writing. Hanging out with Nora. Not having time to watch Oprah, Goddamnit. The whole fists-clenched-and-badly-in-need-of-a-massage (but seriously, how great would a massage be?) routine isn't going to get me nominated for martyrdom or anything.
And so I found myself in my Mom and Tot yoga class the other morning trying very hard to get a few deep breaths in while pushing up into the cobra position during sun salutes, despite the fact that Nora was very definitely stealing some other kid's toy. Let me just interject here that Mom and Tot yoga is nothing like regular yoga. Because your child is much more apt to sneak over to the corner of the room and turn the stereo on and off than to do any cute little yoga moves, resulting not in a quiet hour of meditation but in a back and forth between trying to achieve inner peace and trying to make sure your little girl doesn't hit anyone. Not that she hits (she totally does).
But there are moments. There are moments that feel really, really good, and even a mere moment in that atmosphere seems like a major accomplishment.
Anyway, I'm pushing up into cobra and I notice this nail in the hardwood floor that looks exactly like a penis. I mean, just like a penis, guys, I'm not going to go into the anatomy and all that, you know what a penis looks like. And in that moment my level of stress suddenly seemed so funny, and I got over the fact that I'd gotten about 12 hours of sleep the whole weekend thanks to drinks with my friends, and that lately I have to sit down and work the minute Nora goes down for her afternoon nap, because isn't that stuff - actually, when you think about it - kind of great? Totally great. A moment of peace, that's all you need. Breathe in. Penis nail. Breathe out.