The pleasure principle

I was complaining to J the other morning about the fact that I feel my life has become devoid of a true rewards system, like, one where you work hard, and then get a big prize. I say things like this a lot, forgetting about the fact that I have, you know, cute and reasonably well-behaved children that I grew in my body and am raising. "Every day, the thing I most want," I explained, "is to go to sleep. That is all I want. And it bothers me that that's all I want. I want to want something more."

J, being the supportive and optimistic partner that he is, quickly corrected me. "That's not true," he said. "Going to sleep is not what would make you the happiest right now, is it?"

No, I told him. It was morning, for Christ's sake. "Coffee is what I most want right now. And I have it. And it's making me happy."

(Remember my children? Apparently they weren't quite making the cut).

He asked me when I started thinking about getting in bed and I said around 5 p.m. He said that was normal after a long day. I'm not sure about that, but I appreciated it.

So I've been thinking about what it is that I most want at each point in a regular day for me. And it's something like this:

5:30 a.m. --> for the baby to stop crying

7:00 a.m. --> coffee

9:00 a.m. --> a job offer

10:00 a.m. --> lunch

11:00 a.m. --> lunch

11:30 a.m. --> lunch

1:00 p.m. --> a new wardrobe/a nap/a weekend away

2:00 p.m. --> a job offer, specifically as a columnist and/or any job in Italy/more coffee

3:00 p.m. --> to get into yoga pants

4:00 p.m. --> for J to get home from work really early

5:00 p.m. --> dinner/to get in bed

5:15 p.m. --> for J TO GET HOME FROM WORK


7:00 p.m. --> television/bed

8:00 p.m. --> bed/that brushing your teeth wasn't that important

8:30 p.m. --> bed

9:00 p.m. --> if I'm not already there, BED